Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Stay at Home vs. Working Parents; Can't We All Just Get Along??

I grew up in a dual-income family.  My mom and dad both worked an enormous amount of hours to provide us with the necessities of life.  During my childhood, I was left in the hands of very capable child care professionals between the hours of 9am-5pm.

I am now 34 years old, and my husband and I are both employed.  Our youngest attends full-time daycare, and our oldest spent his first 5 years in full-time daycare before entering elementary school.   Up until a year ago, being a dual-income family was NOT AN OPTION for us.  It was a necessity.  We are very fortunate to now be in a place where becoming a stay-at-home mom is an option, and I’ve been giving it very serious thought.

Today, Yahoo published this story written by Brian Reed, an author from investigatinganswers.com: 

A quote from the article: “How many people do you know who get to the end of their life and wish they had spent more time working and less time with their families? You can't pin a dollar sign on the value of spending time with your children.”

Whoa.  Hey Brian Reed, why don’t you just kick me in the stomach and call me a shitty, uncaring parent while you’re at it??!?

Let me reiterate- my husband and I have just gotten to a place where becoming a single-income family is possible.  For many people, this isn’t a choice.  It disturbs me that frowning upon the working parent’s “decision” to remain employed is so… well… ACCEPTED in today’s society.  Here is a comment left on the article referenced above:

”Money was NOT a concern for whether I stayed home. I did NOT want someone else raising my children. I learned how to budget, scrimp, and do without ... but I'll NEVER regret being home for my children. It's too bad more people don't feel that way.” –Debbie

Oh dear, judgmental Debbie.  It’s great that you were able to raise your children.  Too bad your husband didn’t raise your children (I’m assuming that you have a husband with a job because if you didn’t, staying home with your children WOULDN’T BE AN OPTION).  The fact that he is employed makes him part of the collective of uncaring parents who have other people raise their children, correct?  You can’t BOTH raise your children according to your definition of “raising” unless you are BOTH stay-at-home parents, right?!

While I’m SURE Debbie McJudgerson is a fine person, it’s tough as a working mom to see comments like this.

There are PLENTY of reasons to stay home, which is why I’m very seriously considering it.  Of COURSE I want to spend more time with my boys.  I’ve always been envious of people who had this option.  As I said before, up until last year staying home with my children wasn't an option.  Even if it HAD been an option, why judge people for having “other people raise their children”?  Some men and women are better mothers and fathers because they are employed outside of the house.  THAT IS OK.  It’s OK to want a career!!  And it most certainly doesn’t mean that daycare providers are raising their kids. 

So what IS raising a child?  To me, raising a child is instilling values, teaching them right from wrong, putting their needs ahead of your own. It means DOING WHAT IS RIGHT FOR THEM.  Sometimes doing what is right for them involves childcare. "Childcare" and "raising a child" are not interchangeable terms.  Raising children is so much more than that. 

Being a stay-at-home parent is the hardest, most demanding, most underpaid job that anyone could ever have.  But it is also extremely rewarding.  I am SO thankful that this is a possibility for me, because I know this isn’t the case for many people.  If I choose to take this path, it’ll be because it is the right thing to do for me and my family.  The thing that may be right for MY family may not be the right thing for YOUR family. 

I grew up in a dual-income family.  My mom and dad both worked an enormous amount of hours to provide us with the necessities of life.  During my childhood, I was left in the hands of very capable child care professionals between the hours of 9am-5pm.  And you know what?

My parents raised me. 

 I happen to think they did a pretty decent job.


Monday, January 2, 2012


Oh hey, it’s 2012!  You know what that means?  I’ve been writing this blog for an entire year.  ONE WHOLE YEAR.  Well, minus the 3 months I didn’t write anything.  Shut up.

To celebrate my anniversary, I thought I’d do the obligatory “Ten lessons learned /review of 2011” post. 
Join me, will you?

1. I am able to run 13 miles without dying.  Sure, I’ve permanently damaged my knee, but I have an awesome medal!

2. My ex-boyfriend William Shatner is an a**hole.  But his fans are hilarious.  Also, where the f**k is my High Council membership card??  Klingon slackers.

3. I became addicted to Words with Friends in 2011.  Seriously, its nerd crack.  I knew I had a problem when I tried to start a new game and got denied because I had too many games open.   Next year’s 2012 review will most likely contain something about my WWF intervention.  

4.  I foiled the Mini-Assassin’s plans to kill me for an entire year, HOORAY!

5.  There are people in the world who do not like me (GASP!).  I know, you're SHOCKED.  I mean, who wouldn't like me?  I'm a mother f**king princess!?!  Alas, it is true. I've learned that people who talk about others simply do not have enough to do in their own lives.  To these people, may I suggest doing something more productive with your time- like playing Words with Friends? It’s cracktastic!

6.  Great news, the government didn’t shut down and the world didn’t come to an end.  PHEW.  I apologize to all who have still not received their Pegasuarases (Thank you Jillsmo for confirming that ‘Pagasaurauses’ is indeed the plural form of ‘Pegasus’).  You wouldn’t BELIEVE the cost of shipping mythical beasts these days.  

7. If Edward from Twilight, Ming-Ming, DJ Lance, and Dora’s backpack entered into a battle to the death, Kevin Bacon would win.  I wrote this post while watching the movie “Footloose” for the first time ever.  Kevin Bacon’s got moves you’ve never seen.

8.  If you dress up a Craig’s List posting, you can sell ANYTHING.  Someone offered me not only full price for my fancy black pleather couches- they were willing to throw their husband in for free.  Hooray plural marriage!

 9. I’ve got nothing.  Come on, did you really expect me to finish this list?!  I didn’t blog ANYTHING for months; you know I’m a quitter!  Shut up.

10. Um, why are you still looking at this list?  Don’t you have anything better to do? Apparently you’ve listened to nothing I've said about Words with Friends.  

TTFN Blog Universe.  I haven’t taken a shower yet this year, I suppose I should do something about that.  Happy anniversary to me.


PS I apologize to all who have left comments over the last few months, I had to remove them to rid myself of Intense Debate.  I've said it once, I'll say it again- if Intense Debate were a person, I'd punch it in the face.

PPS I (heart) Al Gore.  I just thought you should know.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Rudolph the Cross-Dressing Serial-Killing Reindeer

The DVR is truly a glorious invention.   I’d say that the DVR is probably the second best invention ever right behind the internet (I LOVE YOU AL GORE!).  

However, there is one time of year where I’d like to blow up the TV, and for one specific reason.  As a mother of two young children, I hear other parents’ opinions regarding which television shows are bad or good.  The typical “offenders” are SpongeBob Squarepants and some of the Superhero cartoons, but I’m here to tell you that SpongeBob and Spiderman are not the worst cartoons on television.  NOT BY A LONG SHOT.

The most evil cartoon EVER?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Because I grew up with it, I merrily turned on this cute little cartoon for my children to enjoy.  Then the mini-assassin became obsessed with it.  Then it was DVR’d.  Then I watched it 700 times in a row.  Then I listened to what really was going on.


Rudolph was born one day to Donner and his wife.  Here’s the catch: he came out with a glowing nose.  The warm and fuzzy cartoons of the 21st century would use this storyline to promote a positive message like “everybody is different: hooray!”  Not Rudolph though.  Oh no. 

Because Rudolph’s ashamed parents designed a prosthetic cover to hide his glowing nose, Rudolph was eligible to participate in The Reindeer Games.  Rudolph and the rest of the gang were getting along swimmingly, and he even scores himself a hookup with a sexy little thing named Clarice.  Then it happened.

His nose cover pops off.

All hell breaks loose as the reindeer start to relentlessly tease him.  At this point, Rudolph and the ostracized-dentist-wannabe elf Hermey decide to run away together.

While on their adventure, they run into a prospector named Yukon Cornelius, and an Abominable Snowman.  Quite frankly, I really don’t understand this subplot so I’m going to skim over it.  They also happen upon the Alcatraz for toys and meet a handful of other colorful characters that had been exiled for being different.  

Then THIS happened… not sure what’s going on here but it reminded me of the Different Strokes episode where Arnold and his friend Dudley are lured to a pedophile’s apartment for a nude photography session.

Rudolph decides to run away to keep his friends out of harm’s way and finds himself back with Santa who has decided to cancel Christmas because of a terrible blizzard.  Imagine that, a terrible blizzard on the North Pole.  Why would you make provisions for snow on the North Pole?!  But I digress.  Santa sees Rudolph’s nose and decides maybe he’s good enough for his elitist reindeer team after all.

I’m sure this won’t surprise any of you, but Rudolph grew up to be a cross-dressing serial killer with serious self-esteem issues.

The End.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Slobby Princess Chic

Like most people, I treasure my sleep.  My child, however, does not.  The Mini-assassin wakes up 4-6 times a night, which makes getting up in the morning extremely difficult.  By the time I’ve hit the snooze button 17 times, I’ve left myself approximately 3 minutes to get ready.  

This, ladies and gentlemen, is how SLOBBY PRINCESS CHIC began.

I’ve justified my slobbiness by convincing myself that all of the other parents at my children’s school go through the same morning routine, thus are also dressed like slobs.

Then THIS happened.

Apparently Slobby Princess Chic attire is not universal.  This experience made me think… maybe I should take more pride in my appearance? Maybe I should wake up earlier to style my hair? Maybe I should press my clothes, OR EVEN TAKE A SHOWER OF WATER INSTEAD OF PERFUME?!

Nah. Looking good before 8am is TOTALLY overrated.



Tuesday, September 13, 2011

44th District Court? Today is your lucky day.

Dear Royal Oak 44th District Court,

I received a notice in the mail from you this week stating that I have an outstanding balance of $24.00.  I have to admit, I was a bit surprised.  When I was a resident of Royal Oak 6 years ago, I never received any speeding/parking tickets.  The notice doesn’t say why I owe you $24.00; it simply says that I owe you money, and that you take all forms of payment.  ALL FORMS OF PAYMENT?? This is extremely good news!!  I would like to pay in the form of personal treasures I’ve collected over the years that have a total value of $24.00.

Item #1: A professionally stuffed Malaysian Panther- valued at $12.00.  It’s probably better that we don’t discuss why I own a stuffed Malaysian Panther.  Let’s just say there was a prophecy… neither of us could live while the other survived, and somehow I ended up with a lightning-shaped scar on my head that allowed me to track down the panther and destroy it.  Oh my, I’ve said too much.  Wait… that was Harry Potter.  Whatever, it will still make a great addition to your office.   

Item #2: Unborn alien embryos- valued at $8.00.  I purchased these little green gems from eBay after I saw the movie “Independence Day”, because who wouldn’t want their own army of aliens??  Let me just throw this out there for you- Alien. Prison. Guards.  AM I RIGHT?!  I can pretty much guarantee that NO prisoner would try to escape because BAM- alien tentacle to the head.  

Item #3: 7 lbs. Eye of Newt - valued at $4.00. Don’t you hate it when you’ve got the cauldron boiling and you look at your recipe only to realize you’re missing 1 ingredient?  I am just LOVING Costco’s new occult section- I’ll never run out of eye of newt again, and now neither shall you.

Item #4: The entire first season of “Ice loves Coco”- valued at PRICELESS.  Who can get enough of this whacky couple and all of their crazy hijinks? Plus, you might want to take a close look at Coco’s assal region.   I suspect she’s muling drugs/exotic pets/statues made entirely out of elephant tusks in there.

In closing, I’d like to thank you again for accepting this form of payment.  Though it will be difficult to part with these treasures, I realize that it is my civic duty to pay back the $24 for… well… I’m not sure for what since you didn’t specify. Also, please find a bill enclosed for $769 that will cover the cost of the time it took me to respond to your bill as well as the shipping costs for your new items.  I just can’t believe how much it costs to overnight a Malaysian Panther these days!

Warmest Regards, 


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I must break you.

My 5 year old LOVES Kindergarten. Every Wednesday, he is able to check out a library book for the week.  We are both really excited about this because he loves to read and we've virtually exhausted all of the books we own.  Today he came home with this book.

Hmm, a book about bullying.  Are we ready for this subject yet?  Since it was a Berenstain Bears book, I decided to go ahead and read it.  I have to say, I found the contents a little... disturbing.

(as interpreted by PMuff)

OK here we go.  Oh my... look at Sister Bear.  She looks like she’s ready to kill some fools.  We're only on page one and already she's vowing to avenge herself.

When Brother and Sister Bear come home from school, Mama and Papa Bear notice that Sister looks like she just returned from a week-long bender in Las Vegas.  We learn that Sister was beaten up by a bully named "Tuffy".

Upon hearing this, Papa immediately decides he is going to show Tuffy how the Berenstain Bears roll.  Mama (who seems to be the ONLY voice of reason throughout the entire book) reminds Papa that beating up a child is probably not the best idea.  While Mama and Papa have this asinine conversation, Brother sneaks out of the house.  But where did he go?!

He went to beat the s%&t out of Tuffy, that’s where!  Look at Brother Bear.  He looks like a little stalker bear in training.  I’d like to see the Berenstain Bears E! True Hollywood story.  I would bet a lot of money that Brother has been featured on "To Catch a Predator".

Once Brother discovers that Tuffy is actually a girl, he decides that he probably shouldn't beat her up.  Hooray!  But this doesn’t mean Tuffy is out of the woods yet.  Oh no, my friends.  Not. At. All.  Brother decides to disobey his mother's orders to leave Tuffy alone, and sets up a top-secret training area to teach Sister Bear how to destroy her enemy.

As it turns out, Sister is one Bad-Ass Berenstain.

The new and improved Killer Sister managed to steer clear of her nemesis at school over the next few days.  Unfortunately, seeing Tuffy again was unavoidable.  During recess, Killer Sister saw Tuffy throwing rocks at a defenseless bird.  When Killer Sister kindly asked her to stop, Tuffy basically told her to go pound sand.  

And then it happened.  Killer Sister pummeled Tuffy Drago-the-Russian-style ala Rocky 4.  

Killer and Tuffy were both sent to the principal’s office where Tuffy begins to cry.  Then THIS happened.

What the f%^k, Berenstain Bears?  Maybe she gets hit a lot at home?!  All of a sudden, my beloved bears became an after-school special of the month.  The next thing you’re going to tell me is that Sister is anorexic and Brother is a cutter.

In closing, we find out that Sister was let off because she saved a bird’s life.  As for Tuffy, she had to visit the school psychologist twice a week for quite a while.

I don’t even know what to say about that.
I am from Flint, Michigan- the murder capital of America.  I am well aware that there are many “Tuffy” situations out there.  BUT… maybe this isn’t a topic the Berenstain Bears needed to touch upon.  It’s sort of like “Saved by the Bell” covering drug abuse.  Though the episode contained what could be the most hilarious minute of television ever, it just wasn’t necessary.

Ok, the SBTB episode was TOTALLY necessary ( I LOVE YOU JESSIE SPANO!)… but this book?  I don't know.  I think the author's intentions were good; maybe we could have left out the child beating reference.  That’s sort of tough to yada-yada over when reading to a 5 year old.



Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Will I write your letter of recommendation? YES PLEASE!

I returned from a 5-day vacation this Monday.  Of course the day after you return from vacation, you have about eleventy trillion emails to sort through.  As I was happily deleting all of the “I’m going to cc the entire company so everybody sees how hard I work” emails, I came across a message from an old coworker/friend of mine.  She wanted me to write her a letter of recommendation for a position that she desperately wants.

Will I write a letter of recommendation?!  YES PLEASE!  I was born to write letters of recommendation!  So I immediately got to work.

First I researched letters of recommendation.  I know this might be hard to believe, but I’ve never written one before. Then I wrote a pretty bland letter and immediately deleted it.

This is the final draft.  To Lindsey, I hope this glowing letter is to your satisfaction.

Dear kind sir/madam:

My name is Princess Muffintop, and it is my immense pleasure to recommend Lindsey for the open position within your company.  Of course, I have no idea what exactly she’s applying for, or what your company does- but it doesn’t matter.  SHE IS THAT GOOD.  You’re an advertising agency?  WIN FOR YOU.  You sell shoes?  SHE WEARS THEM EVERY DAY. You make shampoo?  SHE'LL NAIL IT.  Seriously, you just can’t go wrong.

When I Googled “What to write in a letter of recommendation”, the guide said that the second and third paragraphs of the letter should give details about the person's best qualities.  My pleasure!  Lindsey is a master of multitasking.  She can develop a powerful new business pitch while simultaneously untagging herself from certain compromising Facebook photos.  After all, Lindsey’s second grade elementary school teacher turned Facebook friend doesn’t need to see that topless keg-stand photo.  Am I right?!  

Lindsey is also extremely smart and fabulous with time management.  This enables her to finish 8 hour’s worth of work in half the time.  I think this is why she took 4 hour lunches.  It’s certainly not because she’s eating- Lindsey saves those calories for liquor!  

In summary, you really cannot go wrong with Lindsey.  She’s a talented young lady who wears shoes and showers daily (well… every other day- let’s not oversell).  And if you hear anything about her night job as a dancer, it’s totally ballet dancing.  Well, it’s PROBABLY ballet dancing.  Um, I mean she’s working her way through college.  I mean, she has a lot of gambling debt to pay back.   

Thanks so much!

Princess Muffintop

If any of you need a letter of recommendation, please feel free to contact me.