Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A Princess’ Guide to the Government Shutdown

I’ll be honest.  I HATE reading the news.  When I became a parent, something snapped- I could no longer tolerate reading articles regarding the depressing state of the world.  BUT... because my job requires that I stay on top of current events, I try to do a daily drive-by through a few news-related websites. This isn't something I enjoy doing, so every now and then I'll skip a few days.  Besides, if I wanted a good cry, I'd rather watch the Notebook thank you very much.

My client called this morning.  I’ll admit, I wasn’t really listening.  There are only so many times I can hear about said client’s daughter’s dance recital/son’s spelling bee trophy/new golf clubs before I want to rip my ears off.  Today’s conversation: client tells me about his super fantastic weekend at the zoo with his… whoops… zoned out for a minute....something something about his mother-in-law’s cracked tooth… ooh, Real Housewives of OC is on! Blah blah… the Government is shutting down.  


So of course I headed straight to Google to figure out just what the hell happened.  Turns out my boy Barack Obama and his congressional posse do not agree on how to spend this fiscal year’s budget, and if they don’t figure it out like, RIGHT NOW, there will be consequences.  After reading several articles written for people way smarter than I am, I had only 1 question:

What the eff does this mean?

Good question, self.  Here’s the answer broken down Princess-style.

1.        All National parks, museums, and monuments will shut down.  Did you plan a vacation to our great nation’s capital to see all of the magnificent landmarks within the next couple of weeks?  Sucks to be you!

2.       Need a passport? TOO BAD.  

3.       Toxic waste clean-up?  Well WHO NEEDS THAT ANYWAY.

4.       US Postal Service?  You’re cool.  So are you, air traffic control and coast guard.

5.       Expecting a tax refund check?  Don’t hold your breath.

6.       How about the pay for Government workers INCLUDING OUR TROOPS?  Not looking good.  Not cool, Obama/Congress.  Not cool.

There are a ton of other things that may or may not be affected, but quite frankly my brain can’t process any more.  Let’s face it- I’m just more of a TMZ kind of girl. I like my breaking news stories to have more of a  "Lindsay Lohan arrested for sacrificing/eating a Sumatron Tiger" feel than this type of thing.  Bottom line is this.  Hurry up and settle your shit, Obama and Congress.  How about you just scrap both of your proposals and spend the budget on research to populate the country- nay, the WORLD- with Pegasuses (Pegasi?  Pegasaurases? Whatever the plural is for ‘Pegasus’).  All of our problems would be solved if we co-existed with these majestic beasts.  Am I right!!?

That is all for now.  It’s time to go watch Tamra from the Real Housewives of OC engage in awkward bathtub relations with her 16 year-old boyfriend.



NOTE: I obviously have no real interest in politics, therefore I have no interest in debating politics.  So please do not leave me any creepy serious “Obama and/or congress is the devil” comments or you will be instantly disqualified from receiving a Pegasus.


  1. Obama and/or congress is the devil! Now gimme my Pegasus, dammit!

  2. BTW: I read this out loud to my husband and my 5 year old confirms that it is, in fact, Pegasaurus

  3. That Tamra is such a naughty slut this season. Bet she's glad her child support money comes through the state of California and not the federal government.

  4. Im told that if/when there is a shut down, my agency can only look forward to 2 weeks of payroll - at least thats word around the water cooler. Oh yea, sometimes I LOVE working for the government. (NOT!!).
    I swear my 11 yr olds could come to agreement better than the feds. And thats saying a lot!

  5. Isn't a Pegasaurus a dinosaur and a Pegasus a mythical creature?? AMo - you said no debating politics, but nothing about the plural of Pegasus!!

  6. I am only interested in where I too could dine on Sumatron Tiger...I hear it's delicious this time of year.

  7. @jillsmo- You're lucky I (heart) you, otherwise you'd be dangerously close to losing your pegasus privileges. Also, thank your son for confirming.

    @nona- She TOTALLY is. You always knew the sluttiness was there, the divorce just let out the botoxed beast.

    @heather- Absolutely agree with you. I don't know much about politics, but how is there no resolution to this yet?!

    @jana- The Pegasus IS a mythical creature. FOR NOW. I'm putting my Pegasus Population Proposal together as I type this.

    @SumSum You're right- Spring IS Sumatron Season. I think McDonalds is looking into offering a McTiger sandwich.

  8. All my grandmother does is listen to ultra-conservative talk radio - I'm pretty sure Eric Erickson has outright claimed that Obama is eating babies and using our tax dollars to pay for his marinade.


    Meanwhile the rest of the world is all "LOL at how stupid America is!"

  9. Just love seeing your avatar up in the sky with Pegasaurus.

  10. Great post! You always make me laugh. That is why I am giving you the Versatile Bloggers Award. You can read more about it at on Tuesday 4/12

  11. I get so tired of the news, too, so I just started focusing only on the stuff I like, so I wouldn't lose my mind.

    Can my pegasus be purple? Because I like that color.

  12. im shure that a pegasorus would solve my problembs times ten so if they cand solve the nations problembs then i say fuck amarica

    ps i want mine to change collors like that horse in wizard of oz