Thursday, July 28, 2011

My name is PMuff, and I'm a CraigsListaholic.

Last week, I FINALLY moved the mini-assassin into a real bed.  You’re probably thinking, “Seriously?  He’s over 3 years old and he was still in a crib?”  Yes, Judgy McJudgerson, he was.  He liked his crib.  Plus, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you'll know that keeping him behind bars for a little longer than normal probably increased my life expectancy by a year.  But this post isn’t about mini-assassin’s new furniture. 

It’s about my addiction to Craig’s List.

We decided that we would sell mini-assassin’s crib set online, and gave Craig’s List a try.  IT WAS SO EASY!  You just write a little description, post some pictures and BAM! That’s it!  The problem is, it was TOO easy.  You see, I’m a “go big or go home” type of girl, so when I saw how quickly I could sell the crap in my house that I didn’t want, I went crazy.  

Almost everything in my house is now posted on Craig’s List.

I admit it, I have an addiction.  My email inbox is full of responses to various posts- some serious, some maybe not so serious…  my favorite correspondence so far was for a TV listed for 500 dollars.

Potential buyer:  I will give you $275 cash for your TV.

Me: No thank you.

Potential buyer: Will you take $250?

Me: Huh?  Um… no.

Potential buyer: $200 is as low as I’ll go.

Me: I don’t think we’re doing this right.

There is one posted item that has gotten 0 responses- a black leather couch and loveseat.  This was the original post.

I decided this morning that maybe I needed to add a little sparkle to the description.  Here’s the revised post.

What's that, you say?  You aren't a vampire and can't read the minuscule text in the ad?  Fine.  Here it is.

These are the items you've been waiting for... I've decided to sell my plush ebony sofa/loveseat set! I know, you're thinking, "But wait! Why is she selling this set for such a LOW, LOW price?" Good question. You see, I'm a giver. I want YOU to experience the sheer ecstasy that these couches provide. Once you sit in their deep, fluffy seats, you'll understand. It's like experiencing a hug wrapped up in a rainbow. You like hugs and rainbows, don't you?
I'll be sad to part with these couches, but I need to move on. My husband purchased this set a few months before we were married for like 9 million dollars because, hey! BLACK LEATHER COUCHES. Am I right, fellas? You know what I'm talking about. ALL LADIES LOVE BLACK LEATHER. It's true. Statistics show that ladies are 60% more likely to make out with you on a black leather couch over a brown leather couch. But I don't have to tell YOU that, you probably already know- which is why you searched for "black leather couch" on Craigslist.
So hey, let's talk! Now, before you email me with your "I'll give you 50 dollars and my dog" offers, let's set some boundaries. When I put 500 dollars, I mean I want 500 dollars. Will I negotiate a LITTLE? Sure. For example, would I take 400 dollars and a replica of Harry Potter's invisibility cloak? Yes. I don't want to show you my entire hand, but you know what I mean.
One more thing, buyer is responsible for transportation. Sure, I'll help you move the couches out of my house, but that's it. And honestly, I'll probably just pretend like I'm lifting by grunting loudly and shouting "WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HEAVY THIS IS!" But you and I will know the truth.  

This was revised a little over an hour ago, and I’ve already received 3 responses.  So to all of you Craig’s List users, a bit of advice.  A little bit of sparkle goes a long way.



PS This was the Captcha code I had to type in to verify that I was a real-live human trying to change my post.  WTF, Captcha?  Is that second letter a Latvian long O? 

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