Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Will I write your letter of recommendation? YES PLEASE!

I returned from a 5-day vacation this Monday.  Of course the day after you return from vacation, you have about eleventy trillion emails to sort through.  As I was happily deleting all of the “I’m going to cc the entire company so everybody sees how hard I work” emails, I came across a message from an old coworker/friend of mine.  She wanted me to write her a letter of recommendation for a position that she desperately wants.

Will I write a letter of recommendation?!  YES PLEASE!  I was born to write letters of recommendation!  So I immediately got to work.

First I researched letters of recommendation.  I know this might be hard to believe, but I’ve never written one before. Then I wrote a pretty bland letter and immediately deleted it.

This is the final draft.  To Lindsey, I hope this glowing letter is to your satisfaction.

Dear kind sir/madam:

My name is Princess Muffintop, and it is my immense pleasure to recommend Lindsey for the open position within your company.  Of course, I have no idea what exactly she’s applying for, or what your company does- but it doesn’t matter.  SHE IS THAT GOOD.  You’re an advertising agency?  WIN FOR YOU.  You sell shoes?  SHE WEARS THEM EVERY DAY. You make shampoo?  SHE'LL NAIL IT.  Seriously, you just can’t go wrong.

When I Googled “What to write in a letter of recommendation”, the guide said that the second and third paragraphs of the letter should give details about the person's best qualities.  My pleasure!  Lindsey is a master of multitasking.  She can develop a powerful new business pitch while simultaneously untagging herself from certain compromising Facebook photos.  After all, Lindsey’s second grade elementary school teacher turned Facebook friend doesn’t need to see that topless keg-stand photo.  Am I right?!  

Lindsey is also extremely smart and fabulous with time management.  This enables her to finish 8 hour’s worth of work in half the time.  I think this is why she took 4 hour lunches.  It’s certainly not because she’s eating- Lindsey saves those calories for liquor!  

In summary, you really cannot go wrong with Lindsey.  She’s a talented young lady who wears shoes and showers daily (well… every other day- let’s not oversell).  And if you hear anything about her night job as a dancer, it’s totally ballet dancing.  Well, it’s PROBABLY ballet dancing.  Um, I mean she’s working her way through college.  I mean, she has a lot of gambling debt to pay back.   

Thanks so much!

Princess Muffintop

If any of you need a letter of recommendation, please feel free to contact me.