Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My son is trying to kill me.

Right now, I should be writing about what I’m SURE was the most controversial Bachelor episode ever.  However, I am in a borderline-comatose state that any parent would understand and haven’t been able to watch good old Brad woo those lovely ladies yet.  

My son is trying to kill me, you see.

I can clearly recall the years before the birth of my children saying “Wow, I’m so tired!”, or “I MUST take a nap, I don’t know how I could possibly stay awake for one minute longer!”  Yeah.  Tired.  Whatever.  Shut up, 25-year old self.  You don’t know ANYTHING about being tired.

My little sweet, precious 2 ½ year old son is trying to kill me.

Admittedly, I have not put my youngest into a toddler bed yet.  Why, you may ask? Well, I was completely traumatized by moving my oldest son into his big-boy bed a couple of years ago.  I convinced myself that every little noise I heard after we took him to bed was either him falling onto the ground and breaking a bone, unlatching a window so he could jump out, or just taking a dive down a flight of stairs.  I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since the day we moved him out of the crib.  

So to have TWO in big-boy beds?  Yeah, they’re going to kill me.

I have no choice but to move him into a toddler bed at this point.  He’s waking up approximately 10 times a night.  I mean, I get it- have you ever felt a crib mattress??   I might as well just slap him on the kitchen table and cover him up- he wouldn’t notice the change and I’d have less of a walk to get him back to sleep.  

He’s playing mind games with me.  Really.

He lures me in with a simple request, like “Hey, cover me back up”, or “I seem to have dropped my Cookie Monster on the ground”.  THEN he pulls the old bait-and-switch.  “MOOOMMMMY!  I don’t WANNA go night-night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  This goes on. All.  Night. Long.  I am the only acceptable person in his room after 8pm.  He will turn into a tiny baby Fidel Castro if his dad even attempts to lay him back down.

SMo: “Hey little guy, need me to cover you up?”

He’s singled me out.  He’s only after me.

Even when he’s not screaming, I am WAITING for him to start screaming- which means I am probably averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night.  They say that lack of sleep causes memory loss, clumsiness, and paranoia.  I admit that over the last couple of weeks, standing next to me could be hazardous because I’ve become so clumsy.  But memory loss?  PARANOID?  No, I don’t think so.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go hide in my closet.  Remind me to write sometime about how my son is trying to kill me.




  1. HAHAHA. My son who is 3 will fight his sleep, so I will walk into his room to see if I can make him lay down and he'll say "GO AWAY AND COME BACK LATER." every. single. time.

    Ugh, kids.

  2. My son is trying to kill me with sleep deprivation too! Mine's one and he just started waking every two hours like a new born. It's awesome. Yesterday I think I was literally too tired to drive safely. Today is a little better. New follower from MBC!

  3. HAHAHA My son was doing this too IN the toddler bed.. Turns out 37 inch almost 2 1/2 year olds don't fit well in them....

    After a LONG 111 (not even exaggerating) days, I finally snapped and had the bright idea to put him in the queen bed that we have in our spare room.. BEST IDEA EVER. He started sleeping though the night again and I now average 6 hours versus the 2.... Now I just have to hope I can get him to stay in the twin bed we ordered him...

    Thanks for the follow by the way!

  4. @Brandi, my mother told me to do the exact same thing (put him in the spare bed). I'm starting to think that's a brilliant idea!