Right now, I should be writing about what I’m SURE was the most controversial Bachelor episode ever. However, I am in a borderline-comatose state that any parent would understand and haven’t been able to watch good old Brad woo those lovely ladies yet.
My son is trying to kill me, you see.
I can clearly recall the years before the birth of my children saying “Wow, I’m so tired!”, or “I MUST take a nap, I don’t know how I could possibly stay awake for one minute longer!” Yeah. Tired. Whatever. Shut up, 25-year old self. You don’t know ANYTHING about being tired.
My little sweet, precious 2 ½ year old son is trying to kill me.
Admittedly, I have not put my youngest into a toddler bed yet. Why, you may ask? Well, I was completely traumatized by moving my oldest son into his big-boy bed a couple of years ago. I convinced myself that every little noise I heard after we took him to bed was either him falling onto the ground and breaking a bone, unlatching a window so he could jump out, or just taking a dive down a flight of stairs. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since the day we moved him out of the crib.
So to have TWO in big-boy beds? Yeah, they’re going to kill me.
I have no choice but to move him into a toddler bed at this point. He’s waking up approximately 10 times a night. I mean, I get it- have you ever felt a crib mattress?? I might as well just slap him on the kitchen table and cover him up- he wouldn’t notice the change and I’d have less of a walk to get him back to sleep.
He’s playing mind games with me. Really.
He lures me in with a simple request, like “Hey, cover me back up”, or “I seem to have dropped my Cookie Monster on the ground”. THEN he pulls the old bait-and-switch. “MOOOMMMMY! I don’t WANNA go night-night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” This goes on. All. Night. Long. I am the only acceptable person in his room after 8pm. He will turn into a tiny baby Fidel Castro if his dad even attempts to lay him back down.
SMo: “Hey little guy, need me to cover you up?”
MMo: “GET OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT AND NEVER RETURN.”
He’s singled me out. He’s only after me.
Even when he’s not screaming, I am WAITING for him to start screaming- which means I am probably averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. They say that lack of sleep causes memory loss, clumsiness, and paranoia. I admit that over the last couple of weeks, standing next to me could be hazardous because I’ve become so clumsy. But memory loss? PARANOID? No, I don’t think so.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go hide in my closet. Remind me to write sometime about how my son is trying to kill me.