Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A Di$neyworld Story

Well, we made it back from Disneyworld. We had some good times, some… “not so good times”, and learned some lessons along the way.  Here’s just a brief recap of our trip to the happiest place on Earth.


We got off to a late start on Friday (I think it had something to do with my 2 year old deciding that he’d rather have a techno dance party in his crib and keep the entire house awake than sleep from 2am-7am).  FINALLY, after getting everyone ready, driving 450 miles, refereeing 17 arguments (over a Megamind Happymeal toy- thank you so much McDonalds for rendering worthless the thousands of toys collecting dust in our house), and drinking 3 cups of Dunkin Donuts coffee (sipped through a straw of course), we made it.  Because of the late start, we had to check into our “pool-view” room and head straight to our dinner reservation at the Mexico restaurant in Epcot Center.  Ladies and gentlemen, let me give you this tiny piece of advice.  It’s not in your best interest to make your children sprint through their first Disney theme park to go sit down YET AGAIN after a 7 hour car ride.  That would pretty much be like parading Lindsey Lohan through a jewelry store and expecting her not to take anything.  

I will spare you the agonizing details of our dinner in Mexico, but I would like to thank my special friend Jose Cuervo for helping out in the sanity department that evening. 


We finally got to our “pool-view” room that night and everyone went to bed.  Around 4am, my oldest son woke me up to tell me his stomach hurt.  I told him that he was just tired and to get back into bed (note: this would be when I earned my WORST PARENT EVER award).  I deserved the gallons of vomit I woke up to an hour later.

This is the conversation took place when I notified housekeeping of the regurgitated Mexican gift my child had left in the sheets outside my door:

Housekeeping:  “Housekeeping, may I help you?

Me: “My son just vomited all over his sheets.  Could we get a fresh set? Also, the soiled sheets are outside the door.”

Housekeeping:  “We aren’t open right now.”

Me:  “Um, what?”

Housekeeping:  “Unless there’s an emergency we can’t deliver sheets right now.”

Me:  “Soooo vomit isn’t an emergency… how about poop? How about if I’d accidentally severed my hand and bled all over the sheets?  Do you have a list of acceptable emergencies that maybe I could select from?

Housekeeping:  “Call back at 6am, ma’am.”

Luckily (…?), the vomit was a 1-time thing and we were able to make it to the Magic Kingdom that morning.  We were greeted by Mickey Mouse as we walked in.  Right away, I felt some crazy tension between us.  He was staring at me…
Wait, what did he just…


Inexplicably, I had the craziest urge to do only two things: 1. go purchase a bunch of crap we didn’t need, and 2. Get “PROPERTY OF PIXAR” tattooed across my back.   Five hours and 127 pieces of Buzz Lightyear paraphernalia later, we headed back to the hotel.  Believe it or not, there are no tattoo parlors in the Magic Kingdom.


The next day, we decided to check out Hollywood Studios.  The moment we stepped into the park, my 2 year old began to cry.  And not a normal cry… I’m talking the “hey look at me, my parents obviously beat me” cry.  While this was happening, my 4 year old began to sprint as fast as possible to anything that he may have forgotten to purchase the day before.   I’ll skip through the majority of our ridiculous day.  The bottom line is this: we are Disney novices.  The term “Fast Pass” meant nothing to me before this weekend.  You see, back when I was a youngster, we actually WAITED in line to ride the rides.  Apparently that is not how Disney rolls in the 21st century.  After spending a torturous 45 minutes in line to ride something that lasted about 10 seconds (not to mention Mr. Terrible 2 was STILL crying), we decided that maybe we should go back to the hotel and take a dip in the pool.  What I didn’t realize at the time we promised this pool adventure to the kids was that A) it was only 55 degrees out and B) there was a cheerleading championship held this weekend and I’m pretty sure ALL of them were sunbathing at our pool.  Well hey there Buffy and squad!  Nice to meet you and your boobs.  Enjoy it, you’ve got about 7 years left until it all heads south!


It was time to head back to the Magic Kingdom, but THIS time, we were prepared.  We got to the park right as the doors opened, and sprinted like maniacs to collect our fast passes and move on.  We rode 10 rides in 4 hours, and that includes the 20 minutes we spent in an “It’s a Small World” boat because the ride broke down.  About 10 minutes into it, my oldest asked if he could jump out and swim back.  I couldn’t blame him, after the 50th chorus of the song, I was thinking of breaking off a piece of a nearby puppet and fashioning an oar to get us back.  But I digress.  I THINK the kids had fun, but I was too busy running like a mad woman to secure our places in various lines to know for sure.  Not to mention, I only had a few hours left to find a tattoo parlor. I LOVE PIXAR, WOOT WOOT!


We went to Animal Kingdom on our last day.  I think we all enjoyed this park the most because we weren’t expecting anything but a glorified zoo and got so much more.  It was a great time; we finally slowed down and enjoyed watching our kids enjoy the experience.   I’m sure we’ll go back, but we’ll probably wait until our Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde youngest son is a little older.  I noticed as we got further into the trip that Disney doesn’t really acknowledge you until you’re 3 years old.  If I had to do it all again, I would have waited that extra year.  But we’ll be back.  With our fast pass knowledge, extra sheets, and my Pixar tattoo.  Everyone, please go see CARS 2 coming out on June 24th 2011!!!!  PIXAR IS THE BEST EVER!




  1. LOL! Love your humor. I'm a new follower--found you on MBC--feel free to check out my blog.

  2. I don't have kids of my own but we did a huge Disney World trip last year with the whole fam. Ended up with 18 people, 10 adults, two teens and 6 kids under 5. It was EXHAUSTING but still really fun. I think my feet still hurt.