Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Need a Chris Brown birthday card? Of course you do.

It’s about that time of the year again where I pretend that I am SUPER excited to turn yet another year older.  You know, that time of the year when people give you cards with ultra hilarious messages that are usually accompanied by an image of an old person doing something equally as hilarious?  Or maybe the card has a sweet and tender message accompanied by some form of soft baby animal.  I don’t know about you, but most greeting cards make me either roll my eyes or vomit in my mouth a little bit.  ANYONE can be a greeting card writer, which is why they are so bad.  Really, all you need to establish your career in this field are the following qualifications:

1.       You cannot be funny.
2.       You have to have a pulse.
3.       You must think that kittens are the most adorable creatures on the planet.

In my new-found old age, I’ve decided that if I am going to complain about something, I need to offer a solution.  My biggest problem with greeting cards is that they just seem so… INSINCERE.  My solution?  My NEW LINE of greeting cards… “Keepin' it real” by PMuff.   

Do you need a Chris Brown birthday card?  Of course you do.

Looking for that card for your rebellious teenager with just the right amount of "nag"?  Look no further!

What doctor's office DOESN'T need a hilarious wine IV card to send to their patients?

Here's one for that passive-aggressive spiteful sibling in your life (click to zoom)!

And of course, a birthday card for any special princesses you may know.  Secretly, princesses LOVE birthday cards even though sometimes they tell you differently. 

Princesses are SO high-maintenence.




  1. You always make me laugh! Great post, I think you have a big future writing greeting cards! Have a great night!

  2. Happy Birthday P.Muff. Hil.ar.i.ious.

  3. I was so trying to not add more blogs to my roll just because I'm so busy anymore and won't follow unless I will definitely read, but you are too bloody hilarious, darlin'. I'm happy to find a bit of extra time to read you.~


  4. I'm not sure how to tell you this but I think we should maybe hang out all the time. Not to be too forward but when I have kids can you teach me how to be as hilarious and awesome as you are? I'll pay top dollar.

  5. @Kathy- Thanks! I don't think the Chris Brown card will have much of a shelf life, but the rest are possible keepers.
    @SoMo- Thanks for the birthday wishes!
    @Kat- Yay, I'm glad I made the cut! :)
    @Hate- I think you've got the hilarious/awesome thing down all on your own. Kids just supply you with more writing material. XOXO Stalker Princess

  6. I keep telling my sister she's one year closer to 50 than me.

  7. Your brother picked your bday card...its on it way...its not as good as the 12pt font, but i think you'll laugh! Happy Birthday, P Muff.

  8. These birthday cards are stinkin' hilarious! I love the Chris Brown one - he's such a douche, by the way! And the one from the sister is absolutely hysterical! Thanks for the laugh, girlfriend!

  9. Happy birthday, and can you substitute "sister-in-law" for "sister" on the one card? Her mom really has always liked me best.