Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The most dramatic rose ceremony. EVER.

Good morning blogworld!   I apologize in advance for writing a whole entry on a TV show (the Bachelor no less), but hey.  It’s my blog and I can do what I want.  

The kids went to bed early tonight, so we seized the opportunity to watch a show that didn’t involve a cartoon character.  As we (and by WE, I mean SMo- I haven’t been allowed to touch the remote since 2003) flipped through the channels, a group of screaming and laughing 20-something year old girls jumping into pool flashed across the screen.  I think there’s some sort of man-code that says if there are half naked women on TV, you aren’t allowed to turn the channel.  And THAT is how we started watching “The Bachelor”.  Unfortunately we’d missed the first 30 minutes, but the Bachelor is no “Inception” (which BTW I've watched 3 times and STILL don't understand... is he dreaming?  Am I dreaming?!).  We were able to catch up pretty quickly.

SMo and I started our Bachelor journey with a COMPLETELY unscripted moment- Bachelor Brad decides he’s going swimming (fully clothed).  “Girls I’ve worked HARD today, I’m getting in the pool!”   After an impromptu game of sexy chicken ensues, it’s become obvious that these girls want to murder each other.

RED ALERT, I think we’ve just been introduced to this season’s crazy girl.  Michelle:  “Soon it will be me and Brad in Tahiti, practicing making babies.”   The only thing missing from this scene is music from the Twilight Zone.

Crying girl scene #1.  Crying girl: “I don’t get enough alone time with you, whenever I have an experience with you, it seems like there’s another girl that has the SAME experience!”  Um, you’re going out on a 15-person date which means that precisely 14 other women are having the EXACT same experience that you had.

Make-out count: 1 

“I haven’t spent any alone time with him, but I feel such a RIDICULOUS connection with him.  He makes me feel like the most special person in the world.”  -Brunette number 5.  I can’t tell these girls apart.  Dear Bachelor producers- consider tattooing the girls’ names on their forehead for the remainder of the show.  Mmmk? Thanks!

Make-out count: 2

 Emily just told the girls about losing her fiancé in a plane crash. Oh God, she also works for a Children’s Hospital?!  Game over- how is she NOT going to be the winner??  I’d bet 1000 dollars that the thought in every one of these girls’ heads was “Sh%$!  How am I supposed to top THAT!!”

Emily and Brad are on their date.  He’s going to feel like a tool when he realizes he just made her get on a plane.  Brad: “Tell me about you.”  Emily: “ Ummmm… nothing much.  When I get tired I get grumpy… ummmm…” Brad: “Uh…. OK…” 

Emily finally tells Brad about her dead fiancé.  He asks her if she’s OK.  Emily: “Yes, are you?” Brad: “Are you KIDDING ME?  I’m great!”  I bet that’s the first time she’s heard THAT reaction after telling that story.

The jaws theme plays as Michelle walks in the room.  Yeah, she’s definitely the crazy one.  Michelle: “You and I are in a fight.”  Brad: ”Um, what?  We’re fighting?” Michelle: “You kissed me then you kissed other girls. Explain yourself.” Brad: “Well the LAST time I was the bachelor, I didn’t kiss enough girls.”  Hey, you’ve got to give the guy points for being honest.  

Make-out count: 3

FINALLY, it’s time for the most DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY.  EVER.

I’m nervous.  WHAT?  He picked the crazy girl???  Did he NOT hear the Jaws theme when she walked in the room?!

Whoops, Madison just removed herself from the rose ceremony.  Eh- you’re better off, sweetheart.  From what I’ve seen of this guy, he’s not anything to fight over.

Bachelor Host: “Ladies who didn’t receive a rose- you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”

Jilted woman #1: “He was just intimidated by me.”

Jilted woman #2: “I just wanna go hoooome!”

The Bachelor is like crack. You KNOW it’s bad and you try to stay away, but sometimes you just can’t.  If Emily doesn’t win, I hope its crazy Michelle.  Even crazy girls need love.




  1. I seriously don't need to watch this show anymore (which I do religiously - hello confession!). I love, love, love your cliff notes much better! Looking forward to next Tuesday, AMo!

  2. oh you so have to go back and watch episode #1 now. I want your take on the "first" crazy girl: Vampire Madison, who dramatically removed herself this week...she wears vampire teeth for crying out loud!