Wednesday, January 26, 2011

If you can't say anything nice... I WILL blog about you

In the past 7 days, I’ve been subject to some particularly ridiculous comments.  I think I’m going to blame it on the zodiac changes- you can’t just go changing what moon people’s houses are in without expecting some sort of mass chaos (thanks a LOT Minnesota Planetarium Society).  As I am making an effort to be more polite, I just smile and address the question/comment as respectfully as I can.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t compile a list of “best-of”s and stick it on my blog. 

1. “You have 2 sons?  No daughters?  Oh, I’m sorry sweetie!  Are you going to try for the girl?”  What I said:  “We’ll see!”   What I wanted to say: “Yes.  I’m going to keep trying until I capture that rascally xx chromosome combo.  I will populate the planet with boys until I get my princess.  Currently, I’m ONLY eating sugar and spice and everything nice to ensure the next one does not pee standing up.”

2. “So, are you intentionally styling your son’s hair like Justin Bieber?”  What I said:  “No, that’s just how he wakes up.”  What I wanted to say: “OMG I LOVE THE BIEB!!!  We wake up around 4:30am to start my 2 year old’s hair routine.  Sure, he cries for 3 hours as we’re blow-drying and gelling his hair- but soon he’ll see it’s all worth it.”
3. “Honey, you really shouldn’t run long distances.  Women who run after having kids tend to pee themselves.”  What I said: “Um… OK…” What I wanted to say: “Well what makes that different than any other day?  I pee myself all the time!  What do you think adult diapers are for?!”
4. “That hair color coupled with your skin tone isn’t doing you any favors.”  (note: the person that said this was a Kroger cashier, not a friend or family member)  What I said: “It’s a new color for me, I tried something new.”  What I wanted to say: “Well that was 200 dollars well spent!  I’ll make sure to tell my hairdresser that you disapprove.  Would you mind giving me the name of your stylist?  The frizziness level of your hair coupled with the purplish hue is something that I’ve never been able to achieve.”

5. “Wow, your kids look literally nothing like you.  Are you sure they’re yours?”  What I said: “Ha ha… I’m pretty sure!”  What I wanted to say: “Am I SURE? No.  There are only 2 things I’m sure of from the days of their births.  One is that I went into labor, and the other is that SOMETHING came out.   Once you cut the cord, it’s sort of a free-for-all in those crazy baby hospitals.  When it was time to leave, we just picked the baby we thought was the cutest.”

I guess the point of this entry is that any loser with unflattering hair and adult diapers can start a blog. Social media has changed the world, my fellow blogpeeps.  So be nice to the people that you see each day (especially if you notice that their youngest looks like a certain well-groomed pop star).


AMo (formerly an Aries, now a Pisces)


  1. I am pregnant...newly pregnant...with my third. AMo, you know that I have two strapping Justin Timberlakes. People are just starting find out that I'm pregnant (that bump was always's just full of something now!). I cracks me up that I hear "are you praying for a girl" over and over again. How am I supposed to answer that?

    1 - "Well, I'd prefer one of the two genders instead of both."
    2 - "Hell yes. In fact, we'll probably return him if we detect a p*nis in the ultrasound."
    3 - "No. Actually, I'm not." ...and then listen to the gasps when I deliver a girl!

    What's worse is the "were you trying for a girl?" question. Does anyone really want to know the answer to that?

  2. Oh wow, congratulations on the pregnancy!!! I'm sure whatever you have will compliment your completely handsome JTs!