Stay at Home vs. Working Parents; Can't We All Just Get Along??

I grew up in a dual-income family.  My mom and dad both worked an enormous amount of hours to provide us with the necessities of life.  During my childhood, I was left in the hands of very capable child care professionals between the hours of 9am-5pm.

I am now 34 years old, and my husband and I are both employed.  Our youngest attends full-time daycare, and our oldest spent his first 5 years in full-time daycare before entering elementary school.   Up until a year ago, being a dual-income family was NOT AN OPTION for us.  It was a necessity.  We are very fortunate to now be in a place where becoming a stay-at-home mom is an option, and I’ve been giving it very serious thought.

Today, Yahoo published this story written by Brian Reed, an author from investigatinganswers.com: 

5 Reasons One Parent Should Stay at Home

A quote from the article: “How many people do you know who get to the end of their life and wish they had spent more time working and less time with their families? You can't pin a dollar sign on the value of spending time with your children.”

Whoa.  Hey Brian Reed, why don’t you just kick me in the stomach and call me a shitty, uncaring parent while you’re at it??!?

Let me reiterate- my husband and I have just gotten to a place where becoming a single-income family is possible.  For many people, this isn’t a choice.  It disturbs me that frowning upon the working parent’s “decision” to remain employed is so… well… ACCEPTED in today’s society.  Here is a comment left on the article referenced above:

”Money was NOT a concern for whether I stayed home. I did NOT want someone else raising my children. I learned how to budget, scrimp, and do without ... but I'll NEVER regret being home for my children. It's too bad more people don't feel that way.” –Debbie

Oh dear, judgmental Debbie.  It’s great that you were able to raise your children.  Too bad your husband didn’t raise your children (I’m assuming that you have a husband with a job because if you didn’t, staying home with your children WOULDN’T BE AN OPTION).  The fact that he is employed makes him part of the collective of uncaring parents who have other people raise their children, correct?  You can’t BOTH raise your children according to your definition of “raising” unless you are BOTH stay-at-home parents, right?!

While I’m SURE Debbie McJudgerson is a fine person, it’s tough as a working mom to see comments like this.

There are PLENTY of reasons to stay home, which is why I’m very seriously considering it.  Of COURSE I want to spend more time with my boys.  I’ve always been envious of people who had this option.  As I said before, up until last year staying home with my children wasn't an option.  Even if it HAD been an option, why judge people for having “other people raise their children”?  Some men and women are better mothers and fathers because they are employed outside of the house.  THAT IS OK.  It’s OK to want a career!!  And it most certainly doesn’t mean that daycare providers are raising their kids. 

So what IS raising a child?  To me, raising a child is instilling values, teaching them right from wrong, putting their needs ahead of your own. It means DOING WHAT IS RIGHT FOR THEM.  Sometimes doing what is right for them involves childcare. "Childcare" and "raising a child" are not interchangeable terms.  Raising children is so much more than that. 

Being a stay-at-home parent is the hardest, most demanding, most underpaid job that anyone could ever have.  But it is also extremely rewarding.  I am SO thankful that this is a possibility for me, because I know this isn’t the case for many people.  If I choose to take this path, it’ll be because it is the right thing to do for me and my family.  The thing that may be right for MY family may not be the right thing for YOUR family. 

I grew up in a dual-income family.  My mom and dad both worked an enormous amount of hours to provide us with the necessities of life.  During my childhood, I was left in the hands of very capable child care professionals between the hours of 9am-5pm.  And you know what?

My parents raised me. 

 I happen to think they did a pretty decent job.

TTFN,

PMuff